February 3, 2002:
Hello friends!
This is my farewell "speech" as editor of this column.
After this, I will be handing over the responsibility of keeping you updated of what's
happening here (from "our" perspective) over to my son, though he is still a
teenager.
You see, something has changed me, and has changed my status from
"working man" to "consultant". Something was "snipped", and
after this quick trip to the pet doctor, I've been relatively confused and have had an
identity crisis.
You see, Love came calling to me with her "good smells",
and I answered her as I have done before, which made her more read for action. I even got
as far as washing her neck, but that's when the confusion & frustration set in. I KNOW
I used to "help" these damsels in distress, and it's very clear to me that they
still think I'm the man for the job, but my days of "courting" the ladies here
are definately over.
Now I plan to truly enjoy my "retirement", as I love my
two- and fourlegged companions. I love my son, as well as My son comes to me for washing
and cuddling, and this activity I entend to continue for all who need a cuddle. But the
buck stops there, and they are just going to have to accept my new role as
Yours truly,
Avalon (still waiting for my "mugshot" to appear!)
December 30, 2001:
Hello again...it's me here, with some Holiday Cheer!
I thought there should be something for you to feast your eyes on
here at the end of yet another year (not that I've seen too many, I'm only 2 1/2 years
old).
First off, it's cold here. I mean really cold! This really gets me down, as I love
taking a stroll out in the cat run, and sit there yelling insults to the neighbor dog,
though my people don't like this too much. I wonder why, as I'm only trying to be
diplomatic in answering the ugly son #?$#/&*+£"
Sorry about that...just got caught up in my own (filthy) thoughts. I will try
to control myself for the rest of this column, and will then take a stroll outside to
clear my head & lungs!
Anyways, what I was trying to say (before I got side tracked) was that it is really
too cold to be outside and enjoy myself. I mean it takes just a few moments and my
whiskers start freezing, along with my "family jewels".
Somehow I sense that this might be one of my last appearances here
on this page, as my son has stayed on here, and I've heard such horrible words like
"neutering".
Uggh, it makes me shudder, and it doesn't do much for my male ego, but what's a stud to do
when everything is decided for me!?!
Now I suddenly know what my next column should be about - voting
rights for us felines!!
Yours truly,
Avalon
March 3, 2001:
Hi there fans...I'm back with a vengeance!
Well, we are now writing 2001 (or in my case, meowing
"2001"...use your imagination...!), and life is pretty much the same.
I'm still having some problems understanding these girls. First of all they start
whispering sweet nothings into my ears, and wearing arousing perfume, and within a few
days they come crying to me to get down and dirty with them. Now, being the gentleman that
I am, I can't very well leave a damsel in distress, now can I?! So, I get involved and
follow their lead, and what do I get in return...?...they turn around and try to claw at
me, and then do a rather strange "floor show". They don't even say thank you!!
Now, I can understand that they might not want to linger afterwards, but I should be able
to expect some sort of politeness, shouldn't I?! Since this seems to be the pattern here,
I've gotten good at getting "on and off" with all of my parts in tact...which
isn't always an easy task!!
There's also something else I don't understand...my female human
comes telling me I have an adorable daughter upstairs, and that there are other children
on the way. What do these girls and our human's expect me to do? Pay child support? I
think I could get away with pleading momentary insanity at the time when the girls came
crying to me - I mean, to risk getting attacked after getting "on and off" is
rather insane, so I could probably get away with this line of defense.
And the information around this place is lousy - noone has given us lessons about
the "birds and the bees" here, so I've never heard about the consequences that
follow an act of passion...the girls putting on weight and not being interested in me when
"I" might be in the mood...this is something I don't get. Are they the only ones
who get to chose the time and place? I guess there are somethings that will forever be
mysteries...never to be understood by a poor stud like me!
October 28, 2000:
Hello there...!
It's taken a while for me to settle into my position as the
"man of the household" (at least the feline part!), after Hampus started living
the easy life of a neuter. Not that I envy him in any way - don't get me wrong. I love the
girls, and have already fathered a litter of five (Apelia's
F-litter), but lately none of the girls want to let me have any action, and
I'm getting rather frustrated. I mean, I'm a good looking young stud, and I really would
like some response to my flerting here. But so far this Autumn, my tactics have bombed
out, and I guess I just have to wait for nature to "do it's thing"....but it
takes so looooong! What's a guy to do in the meantime??!? If anyone has advice - PLEASE
let me know, as I'd like to brush up on my seduction tactics.
Otherwise life is pretty OK here. We don't get the gourmet meals we
feel we deserve, but all in all the service is acceptable, and I'm not packing up my bags.
There's a lot of attention and playing, and that's great. I'm pretty lazy though (my only
flaw, of course), so I watch mostly, and watch the others. It's entertainment while I wait
for one of more girls to show me the attention I deserve. I've promised them that they
won't regret it, but they don't seem to listen to my serenades of love. Oh well, as long
as the service at this joint stays OK, I'll just have to wait for the girls. It doesn't
seem to help to tell them how ready I am to "help them in their time of need".
Hmmm, life's not easy to understand - that's for sure.
Yours truly,
Avalon
