December 18, 2006: 

FINALLY I get to make my entrance into to this column, following fine fellows before me....but they’re not the men around here now – I AM!!  

I AM the MAN here, but I don’t feel much like it when mom has to make we wear diapers when I’m in the main house. You see, I feel the need to “express myself” with my special odour, but mom & dad DON’T seem to appreciate me doing it on their furniture and curtains.
So, I’m doomed to “going through the motions” with diapers on. I’m too much of a man to wear the other pants made for animals – my spray is too fast – that’s how manly I AM!!....but it has lead to a life of diapers with pelicans and elaphants on them…I think mom said something about “Baby & Go”….not sure what that means…

It’s OK, though – I don’t mind them at all, and I get to be with the family, which is a real treat. So I’ll just have to endure my “special pants”, as I call them (it makes them sound a little better), and still be able to “do my thing” when a girl needs me.

There is a problem, though, no girls are wanting my “special attention” now – they are just upset with me if I “sniff” too close….don’t know why, but hope things will change, as I need to work on “my moves” and technique – have had some problems there – like ending up on one side, or just giving up….mom gets so tired of me when I can’t “nail them” in a few minutes. SHE doesn’t know how much work it is – all she does is sit there, though she looks tired too, when I think about it…but it’s been a long while now since last time, so I’ll have to get back to you all with a new report on just how things are done when I get some “action”. I mean, they call me “Lucky”, but I’m not feeling very “lucky” these days – not in “that” department….but maybe, hopefuly…..soon….I mean it is Christmas soon, and I really would like a special gift!

Merry Christmas to all of you Birmans who still have your “jewels” in tact – MAY THE FORCE (or Hugh Hefner) BE WITH YOU – and ME!

Lucky -“The MAN”